It’s a weird anomaly to get your head around, the idea that just because something isn’t bad, doesn’t mean it’s good.
My job wasn’t bad. It was challenging (in a good way most of the time), I liked the people I worked with, I had a laugh and I was well paid. All good.
But as I watched my own health decline and decline, to the point where I felt that work got everything I had, leaving me very little left over for my loved ones (or even myself), I knew something had to give.
What started as repeated bouts of illness, viruses, infections, bad colds and the likes, soon deteriorated into severe neurological illness. Even post recovery from the illness, I was left with ongoing chronic health problems that left me fatigued and unwell, day after day, week after week.
Intuitively I knew that I couldn’t go on the way I was, I was so far away from living the life of my dreams, in fact I was barely living at all! I would put everything I had into getting into work and getting through the day, all too often to be left with my tank on empty by the time I got home.
Of course as any parent will know, just because you’re on empty doesn’t mean that you get to stop, and so by the time the work week was over I was so far into the red in my wellness account, I’d have to spend the whole weekend recovering just to be able to get up and start the basics again the next week.
Socialising largely went out the window, in fact so did anything that was likely not classed as essential. I was even scared to book holidays for the fear that it would just be a waste of money if I was to spend the whole time in bed or even too sick to go.
I couldn’t bear to look forward at my life or my future. It was too depressing, this was not how it was supposed to be.
Of course quitting my job was only one part of what lead to my recovery, and arguably a dramatic step that I was very fortunate to be able to take.
But what made it so significant to my transformation, was the fact that it was a complete commitment to myself. A commitment that I was taking back control and fully in charge of my own wellness, my outcomes, my life and my future.
Now I live a life almost unrecognisable to the one I’ve described from just a few years ago. I don’t even describe myself as someone with chronic illness. I'm an active and well woman, with a great family life, business and social life. I’m committed to my balance and wellness, but I'm also able to take my foot of the gas just a little and let my hair down, without fear of the repercussions on my health.
My whole journey to the life I have now was more complicated than just one action, and can be achieved in many ways (not everyone requires the melodrama of a dramatic exit stage right to re-set the scene).
However, the key point I want you to take away from this, if you feel your health or wellbeing is letting you down and holding you back, is that the first step is always that decision to yourself that you’re going to take back control. No matter how dramatic or small the gesture.
When we get lost in the woods the only way to make our way back is to stop, accept we’re lost and take back control of finding a way out. Otherwise we find ourselves mindlessly wandering deeper and deeper, getting further and further away from where we need to be.
Stop today and reflect on where you are, and make that decision that can change your life.
Make the decision to take back control.
Strength and love x